uncreative title!!!

Yes. So. This touch typing thing's a bitch. Not as much of a bitch as not knowing at all... it's a process, like life, or the Krebs Cycle.

I had more emo things to say, but it's more like I just need to keep adjusting.

I went climbing again, but I was third wheel with climbers who were lead climbing, so I ended up bouldering most of the night. Not a bad thing, really, since I'm weak as all get out these days. I think I was mainly lamenting the fact that I had been certified for a brief period of time but due to my never getting my leading card and subsequently never practicing, I failed the test when I took it at another gym. I think my mom was unfair then, because she expected me to act like I knew what I was doing when I effectively had no idea what I was doing. Sorry I'm transparent. Gosh.

Anyway. So now I want to get certified again, however, I'm wondering if making that a top priority would be a mistake. Among other things I need to fuckin' make some art, animations, look at art schools, apply to art schools, and pass the classes I'm taking at this school (and getting tutoring in bio, let's not forget. I did manage to squeak a B on the exam, though...) Anyway, is the reason I want to lead climb based on an actual desire to lead climbs, which I am deathly afraid of, or is it solely because I want to feel more like I belong?

Life really isn't that bad. I don't know if I'll be sore like I was last week. I did do more bouldering today. It must've been sad to watch me; I was climbing easy rated climbs, falling off, only to proceed to get back on and further punish myself for not being able to lead. I hope the routes weren't so easy that I didn't get a work out; I definitely sweated, albeit not as much as last week. On a less horrible note, the two climbs I did do were tens, one that I failed on last week, and I made it up both of them without cheating! I can't say I red pointed them, since I think I fell during both of them, but they were more successful than last week's attempts. Near the end I could tell my partner was getting impatient- I'm pretty sure I got pulled up the wall a bit.

My mom's actually taking me climbing on saturday, which'll be nice on a few counts: first, I won't have to negotiate thursday evening crowds, which are brutal because of cheaper admission fees. Second, I won't be third wheeling it, and third, I won't have to worry about being abandoned... I hope XD Maybe I'll get her to show me how to lead... again. I'll be like, BELONGING TO A NEBULOUS GROUP OF PEOPLE IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN... THE FUTURE. She'll probably talk to me about the future, too, and I'll just awkwardly nod my head and mumble yes. As usual.

I just hit ctrl D. My blog menu's in french, and the command was 'brouillon', whatever that means. Gotta check this on larousse... apparently 'brouillon' stands for rough draft.

Mehhh... I need to know more climbers. Actually, I really need to prioritize, because there are so many things. So. Many. Things.

I was gonna say at least I don't have to be certified to go to running club tomorrow except WAIT I CAN'T I HAVE TO GO TO A WEDDING REHEARSAL WITH MY FRIEND. Fuck dangit, commitments. I HATE MAKING PLANS MONTHS IN ADVANCE. WHO THE CRAP DOES THAT.

MY LIFE ISN'T BAD. WHY DO I COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING LIKE IT IS.

I need to sleep. Bio's difficult enough when I'm fully awake. This is what college does to me. I stay up 'til one helping decorate a lounge, and now look at me. The guy who suckered me into it has a crush on one of my climbing friends, and this I confirmed when upon returning to my dorm he asked me about her. Poor girl. I WISH SOMEONE ASKED MY FRIENDS ABOUT ME, except maybe that would be creepy. Or maybe it would be normal. Fuck if I know. I wish that someone WANTED to ask my friends about me.

Engh... fuck that shit. Needs moar hyperbole and a half.

I NEEDS DIRECTION

Dreams have a funny way of being completely irrelevant for a majority of the time, and then, once in a great while, perfectly reflecting your state of mind in a totally recognizable way.

For instance. I had a dream in which I was trapped in a parallel universe (because that's the only kind of universe there is these days). This universe greatly resembled EMU, but there was a way to escape: all I had to do was solve a four variable equation. One of the variables involved calculating the top running speed of a particularly fat cat. I remember walking up a hill and thinking, if only I had a year to sleep and figure this out. I seemed to know that I was in a dream, because I didn't want to wake up and waste an opportunity to be proactive in my dream life... for once.

Basically, this is how I feel in waking life: I'm trapped, and while I am enjoying myself, I'm terrified of perpetually spinning wheels and not getting to where I need to be. So good for you, subconscious, for creating something relevant and timely.

ehhh

In college now. It's actually pretty swell, considering it's not art school. I'm like, meeting people! Like fellow rock climbers and slack liners.

Also, lack of scanner equals not very many doodles posted. Sad. BUT AT LEAST I'M LEARNING HOW TO TOUCH TYPE. I have bio to thank for that.

Peace y'all. All three of you.