So, ever since a two months ago when I almost had a boy friend and then... definitely didn't have a boy friend, I've been wanting more. Relationship-shit. Just to try it out Having almost no experience, I'd really like to even just make out with someone again. But witnessing my roommates' friendship I also would like to be in on that, too.
And then I realized how shitty I am at maintaining my own friendships. What makes me think that dating someone would be a good idea when I barely talk to the friends that I do have? I mean, fuck. I feel like I look at other people's friendships and feel a sense of longing, but am not as keen in putting forth the effort to actually forge such a strong bond. And that makes my own friends feel shitty, which in turn makes me feel shitty. I remember reading a description of my father's chinese zodiac animal: it said that said animal was great at meeting people, but had difficulty keeping friends. I don't have his sign, but I have his genes. We are both lazy when it comes to friendships.
I finally pulled the plug on my random internet dating account thing. It's cool that I've been on my first dates, finally, but that shit's just too damn awkward. Internet dating is shallow as fuck.
This isn't the sort of thing that one normally posts on a sketch blog. People normally post, I dunno, sketches. Which maybe I'll throw in an oldie:
Boom. I haven't gone out with friends since, like, last Wednesday. Illustration work is way all consuming, and I still feel exhausted. Not sleeping isn't helping either, of course. I started inking a page that I haven't finished penciling, thinking that that'll help me push along. I hate that it is so difficult for me to work when I'm not being bomb-threated.
My facebook addiction is a problem, too. When I got home from work I looked at my ether-net cord like it was a hypodermic needle. I've been on this Ringling group chat thing all together too much these past few days. It's way exciting to be talking to future class mates, but I feel like I come off as a jerk with a monotone. I don't translate very well over chat, or texting, for that matter.
On a brighter note, Ringling decided to give me a little bit of money that I won't have to pay back. When you're expectations are nonexistent they're pretty easy to exceed. I've also been running a bit more, and that's helped my lower back pain a lot. This girl just can't sit down all day.
This is some real, like, diary shit here. Is it a good idea to post it? Probably not.
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